A FEW RUSSIAN IDEAS TO TAKE HOME
Colorado Springs Gazette, 4-30-09
It’s a
cliché for Americans living abroad to write home about the things they
miss. As an American living in St
Petersburg, it’d be particularly easy for me. You and I could bond over about
how much better life is in America. This
is known in the op-ed biz as “pandering to your audience”.
But I
won’t do that. My readers are, after
all, far too intelligent and discerning to be pandered to.
Instead, I thought I might
share a list of things I’ve found in Russia that I wish we had in America. Here are my top 5:
5) Movie
theaters where you can reserve seats.
I’ve seen tons of films over here, and every theater sells tickets in
the same way. You tell them which film, day and show time you want, and they
present you with a touch screen of the available seats. You pick your spot, and get your ticket. No worries, come to the theater when you
want, most modern theaters are stadium seating so there really isn’t a bad
seat. But if you’re picky, many theaters
also have differential pricing: Seats
off to the side or far back are sold at a discount. Makes sense to me.
4)
Better intersections, for both drivers and pedestrians. A green light in St Petersburg will flash
before it turns yellow. This gives
drivers and pedestrians more information.
How can that be bad?
A light
will also turn yellow before it turns green.
I’m sure some American traffic engineer somewhere has done a study on
why that’s a bad idea, despite advance yellow lights being used all over
Europe. But there are a few long lights
in the Springs where I’d really like to know when it’s
going to turn green. It would certainly
reduce the obnoxious honk factor of the guy behind me.
St
Petersburg also has timers at pedestrian intersections, both for how long the
light will remain green in one direction and how long it will remain red in the
other. These are visible to both drivers
and pedestrians. Very convenient if you
need to choose which street to cross, or if you’d just like to know how much
longer you’ll have to wait.
3) The
metric system. As a scientist, I can’t
begin to describe the pleasure of living with measuring units that make
sense. If my local forecast is 0
degrees, I know that’s when water freezes.
I know my weight in kilos, my height in centimeters, my
jogging speed for a 5K run, and how they’re all related. American and British units of measurement are
just, well, stupid. There, I said
it. We should bite the bullet and endure
a painful transition year to switch over.
Then we’d never have to worry about it any more.
2)
International Women’s Day. In Russia,
this is a national holiday. Instead of
the political sloganeering and PC guiltfest that
would probably accompany such a day in the US, it is a day when men honor women
for their feminine qualities. Heck, you can’t even talk about “feminine
qualities” in the US without getting shushed, slapped or sued.
By
contrast, one local restaurant advertised a promotion for “The International
Day of Tenderness and Adoration of Women”.
Coke ran a Russian ad featuring men saying “Ladies, congratulations on
your day. Your beauty and grace inspire
and refresh us. Like Coca-Cola!” Can you imagine seeing that stateside? All right, maybe on Spike, but NBC wouldn’t
go anywhere near it.
On
International Women’s Day, men give their special lady flowers and gifts, but
it’s not like Valentine’s Day when single women feel left out. Fathers congratulate daughters, sons
congratulate mothers. Even the divorced
manager of my apartment blushed when I asked about the holiday.
It’s a
day when a man can wish a bus conductor, a hat check lady, and even an entire
aerobics class “Happy Women’s Day” (the actual Russian expression is slightly more
formal). In return, he can expect to receive nothing more hostile than a smile
and a “thank you”. What a great idea.
And
finally, my number 1 item on my wish list for America:
1) Lays “Red Caviar” potato chips and
Snickers bars “with hazelnuts!”.
No
explanation necessary.